February 2012
28 posts
keeping
Today we finished shooting for the short. It was mostly guerrilla shooting at Trader Joe’s, Target and Best Buy. My costar felt like a rebel shooting without permits and all. The day ended with me in the bathtub and I learned one thing… I hate baths.. and I’m not one of those girls that looks sexy in one. Funny, yes. Sexy, no.
There is more work to do, of course. Editing...
full circle
I’ll admit the last couple of months have put a toll on me for many different reasons.
Adjusting to the demands of my career as well as my home life has really left me flustered. I learned one very important thing about myself through this process — I need a safe place to go home to at night. A place that is nice and tidy and encourages me and my dreams. I feel like the big wide...
Excited for...
I like being excited… I don’t really like gratitude lists because they often seem fake to me and just not me… But I can get down with getting excited lists… And, you know what? Spring is around the corner. Moving into my “own” place in 9 days and it’s time to get excited.
Today I’m excited for the fact I read this article this weekend how...
My roommate is moving out today. She just texted me and said she found blueberries under the couch.
Can we just have an “awe” moment together?!
What can I say… I love them.
Maybe it was the blueberry coffee I got this morning at 7 11. Maybe it was the sun. Maybe it was the extra long car ride to OC today where I had time to clear my head.
But hope has returned and my blue insides have turned a hopeful yellow. And for the first time this month I know I’ve got this and my life is imperfectly perfect just as it is…
Or maybe it’s the Holy...
You know you are busy when everyone is taking about a long weekend and you can’t even begin to fathom what kind of holiday is going on.
S.O.S.
I read somewhere that in life we balance five areas of our lives.
1) Health
2) Family
3) Romance
4) Home
5) Work/Finance
When 3 out of the 5 areas of your life are out of balance, it can stir a bunch of negative emotions to a boiling point. (Which is why I cry constantly these days and have the blues!)
Well, right now, 3 out of the 5 areas of my life are in flux.
ROMANCE - nada. And,...
“No matter what you have been through, you aren’t dead inside like you think you...”
– Erin Foster, Single Girls Guide: Valentine’s Shmalentine’s on HelloGiggles (via cutiepatchouli)
I’m working the hardest I’ve ever worked. And it still does not feel enough.
lov(e)
It would be a complete lie to say it’s not a little bit sad to not have that extra someone special on Valentine’s day.
Of course, I’d love to have dinner with someone tonight who I am as much into as he is into me. To proclaim our love for one another over a bottle of wine. To say, “my life is better with you in it” and really mean it.
And, I think it’s...
I’ve been working since 7:30 AM this morning. Took a 30 minute eating break at 1:30 PM. And, I have another good 4 hours of working (hopefully).
This is called wanting something so bad you are willing to sacrifice everything you’ve got to reach it…
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
i'm not lost, just misguided
While my anxiety is due to some “outer” things, I have a feeling I could handle things with a bit more grace if I went back to my staples…
I haven’t adhered to these these things in over a month. No wonder I’m so cranky.
Exercise. Spinning. I haven’t been all month. Maybe more than a month. Spinning makes me happy. I need to do it. I miss the gays. I...
Randoms
Things..
I wake up in the middle of the night most nights these days with terrible anxiety. The kind that suffocates you. It makes me scared to go to sleep.
There were two rats in our office that were eventually caught yesterday. I saw one of them enter our office and screamed bloody murder. This is for all the people who think my job is “glamorous.”
I really, really need a...
“I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and...”
– (via ellipsistohope)
A Letter
Dear Los Angeles,
I owe you an apology. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to live in the heart of you. Then it happened a little over a year ago.
And then I expected. I sat waiting for you to discover me, wow me, seduce me, shower me with abundance. I wanted you to be interested in me instead of me being interested in you. I wanted to take instead of give. So I huffed and puffed and...
Here is a secret… I’m a country girl at heart.
the day after
I ate lunch at a little Mexican joint. I cleared off my plate in seconds due to fatigue. Still had 40 minutes to spare, so I sat watching a father play with his daughter.
It didn’t make me want to have kids or even a husband really, yet there was something soothing about watching them count the cars on the street and name the different colors. Her dad said, “Don’t forget...
More pics from yesterday →
erica lee xo: “This is when the magic happens:... →
ericaleexo:
“This is when the magic happens: right when you feel like everything is going wrong, shift your attitude to accept that it’s actually going right. Our judgments of how we think our life should be are preventing us from reaching our Highest Potential. If you’re going through a storm, hold the…
12:40 AM. And, that’s a wrap.
the night before
For some, tomorrow is about football. For me, it’s about shooting my short.
I’m extremely nervous. I’ve always had stage fright. The worst possible kind, so I’m not surprised.
Tomorrow eight people are donating their talent and time to bring a vision of mine to life. I guess I have what it takes to become a producer, after all. I mean getting people to work for free...
Like I said my mind has been so preoccupied lately. I’m going to be moving out on my own for the first real time in my life at the end of the month.
Normally, I thrive on this kind of change. The year started with a new watch, a new car and now a new home. While I really want this change, I’m finding myself resisting it a lot. Oh mind, you wander to such messy places sometimes....
January 2012
56 posts
“Whenever a warrior decides to do something, he must go all the way, but he must...”
– Carlos Castaneda, was a Peruvian-born American anthropologist and author.
The truth is a lot of things are outwardly changing for me and while I welcome the change I still feel like a ball of stress. And a part of me wants to spill it all to anyone who will read or listen, but really this is the time where I have to go inward, listen to my gut and have faith in myself.
No one knows what is truly best for me, except myself. I have to honor that…
a short on the short
Update on the Short.
I’ve probably spent a good 60 hours on it altogether, and I’m still not in love with it. Since this is an exercise in completing a creative endeavor, a part of me just has to let go. I remember an acting teacher would say, “Be willing to be bad.” When you take the perfectionist out of you, that’s when real creativity takes place because your...
WatchCheck it!
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I miss spin. I haven’t seen gay spin crush since 2011. Sad.
“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery....”
– Sophia Loren (via dailystendhalnitesaudade)
This is pretty groovy… Bobcat Goldthwait wrote a part for me in his next film. Yup, and I get to eat blueberries.
“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want...”
– Unknown (via kari-shma)
“Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing....”
– Ally Mcbeal (via kari-shma)
— “Sometimes the worst thing for someone’s heart could be loneliness.”
Some days we have bad days. The good news is tomorrow is a new day.
I just got to babysit the cutest yorkie puppy. Oh no!
I’m trying something new this morning… Green tea instead of coffee!!
I’m so, so, SO glad I did my cleanse. It was super hard, but super worth it. Today I feel amazing. I really, really do. Believe me, I was skeptical. But I would recommend a cleanse not because our bodies are necessarily toxic. Not sure how much I buy into that… But I would do a cleanse to examine your relationship to food and beverages. How you depend on caffeine to keep you...
My bosses are off the cleanse at 7:00 PM. Friday night drinks await them. Grrr, what to do, what to do.
I have to say right. this. second. I feel pretty darn good.
It’s a miracle. Today I feel a bit of my pep back. I still miss blueberries and coffee, but less than 24 hours to ago.
Would I do this again? Honestly, I don’t think so. Am I glad that I did it? Yes!
Today I’ve had some flu like symptoms. My nose is running and I’m tearing up. Plus, I’m COLD. That means toxins out, baby! Or at least I hope.
To think I have to do this for another whole day, well that just makes me want to drink some wine tonight.
JK, I don’t or won’t.
Really all of this is making me think about how I really want to change the fuel I put in my...